Dear John
by Moioui
Summary: Abby finds some pictures and writes a letter. CARBY
1. From someone you used to know

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, but fortunately for me I can decide what they are doing and saying in this story;)**

**Part 1:**

_Dear John_

_I was cleaning up in my apartment, you know like really cleaning all drawers, and I found some pictures of the two of us together. I took them all and sat down at the dinner table and looked them through. Do you remember that weekend where we went to the beach together in May because you said it was warm, and I had the flu for over a week after? I've got some really funny pictures from back then. _

_Well as I was sitting there I realized that I really miss you, we all miss you… even Frank, but he does not want to admit it. I still think that I'm the one missing you the most, though. I don't believe that it's been three years since you left. Chicago isn't the same without you, nothing is. I figure that I didn't realize how much I missed talking to you, but I do… I guess that's why I'm writing this letter to you. _

_Other than missing you I'm doing great. I work very hard at County, but it is ok, I love it for some strange reason, you know. I haven't got anything to go home to either. Well, I started going to meetings again, after I had a relapse. It was about two years ago and I'm not proud of it, but it feels good to do something about it… and it produces some sort of social-life for me too._

_It was Eric who made me go to the meetings. You wouldn't believe it, but he's doing so great. He is married to this wonderful girl, and they've just gotten a little daughter. Maggie is doing great too. It's so amazing… almost like having a real family, the family I always wanted._

_How are you doing? How is Kem? Have you got any children? I've always imagined you with a whole lot of them. You are gonna make a great father. _

_Anyway, this letter has to end. I hope you'll read it, and if you wanna write a reply my address is on the back of the envelope. _

_From someone you used to know – _

_Abby _


	2. Dear Abby

**Part 2:**

**Authors note: Thanks for all my reviews. I love them all, and I'm happy that you all like my story. Hope you like the new chapter. **

_Dear Abby_

_Thank you so much for your letter. I am happy to hear from you after all of those years, and yes; I miss you too. _

_It's wonderful to hear that everybody is doing great, and that you are happy. Wow, you must be a 4th year resident by now! I'm really proud of you!_

_My life here isn't quiet what I expected it to be. Kem and I broke up about two years ago, and to get away from her, I moved to Paris. Anyway I'm happy that it turned out that way. I've had time to manage all the things I never sorted out after Gammas death, and Barbara, my sister, is really helping me out on everything. After I moved, I decided to contact her, and we agreed to take care of the family-business together (yeah… I know what you must be thinking: He turned into a society-clone, and I guess, in a way I did too. I'm not proud of that, I might add)._

_I still miss you guys in Chicago tough. Europe is so much different from America and I don't think that I'll ever really adjust to life here. I'm just not like Barbara at all; you should see her with all her friends in those fancy shops and all this European culture. I for one feel much more comfortable on a good old couch with a cup of coffee and some medical journals next to me. _

_I was so happy to hear from you after all those years, and the last sentence of your letter really got to me. I wanna know you again, so if you want to, I thought that we could start writing some letters to one another, and maybe that would ease the pain I'm feeling by being away from Chicago and especially… you._

_With hope of future letters – _

_Carter _


	3. A long day with a letter

**Part 3:**

**Authors note: Well… here's chapter three. I hope you like it, even though it is not written as a letter, please let me know what you think. Oh, and I wanted to ask, because I'm from Denmark, 15, and because of that my English isn't perfect, so I'm kinda looking for a beta. If anyone is interested just e-mail me or write it in a review.**

_With hope of future letters – _

_Carter _

Abby smiled as she placed John's letter carefully in her pocket. She rose from her seat, and stepped of the train, starting to make her way towards the ER.

As she went through the ambulance bay, three ambulances came in behind her. It was going to be a hard shift. She didn't care though; all she could think about was John's letter, which lay safe and sound in her pocket. He was doing ok, but more importantly he missed her, and wanted to keep on writing letters to her! The envelope of his letter had been the first one she saw, when she opened her letterbox. Maybe that had something to do with the strong green colour it had. When she'd opened the letter, she couldn't help but to smile. Truth be told: Carter was the only person she knew, who would do such thing.

"Abby, could you help me with this? Five-year-old female, shot once in the belly, it doesn't look to deep, but I might need you to assist" Susan's request effectively pulled Abby out of her own world, and into that of the ER.

Abby helped Susan working on the little girl for about an hour, after which she could go up to the OR and have the bullet removed. After that Abby went to the lounge seeing as she never had a chance to get of all of her clothes.

When she hung her jacket into her locker, she dropped John's letter. Smiling to herself, Abby bend down to pick it up, thinking that she could have just one more look at it, before returning to work. That was the moment Neela came in.

"What have you got there?" She asked suspiciously, looking at the letter from John.

"Uhh, nothing," Abby answered her back, a little too quickly, "Just a letter from someone."

"And who is that 'someone'," Neela asked, studying Abbys face.

Abby smiled at her, thinking. Should she tell or should she keep it as her own little secret… after a moment, she decided to tell.

"Uh, it's from Dr. Carter. He and I have been writing some letters to each other," She said, skipping the fact that her 'some letters' only referred to two.

"I see," Neela said. Then she turned around and left Abby alone with her letter.

As Abby looked at her retreating figure she felt a little weird. Half of her wanted to talk to someone, the other half wanted to keep the letters a secret. She didn't want to have rumours going around, but yet she felt like she was going to explode. She was so happy, and she didn't even know why. She was supposed to be over John Carter, and she was… wasn't she? If she was, then why was she like a little girl with butterflies in her stomach every time she thought about him?

"Abby," for the second time that day someone dragged her out of her thoughts. This time it was Randi, who was waving a receiver at her. "Your brother Eric is on line one," she informed.

"Thank you," Abby replied and picked up the phone in the lounge.

Later that evening Abby was sitting at home, in her kitchen. Eric had been calling to hear if it was ok for him and his family to come and visit for dinner, and they had just left. Now she was alone and had time to think about John.

She looked at her watch; 11.30 p.m., she was tired, but yet she didn't feel like sleeping. Instead she found some paper and started writing:

_Hi John_

_Today has been a long day…_


	4. “I’m going to visit Gamma”

**Part 4**

**Authors note: Well, I don't really know what happened to me when I wrote this chapter. I don't hope that you guys think that it's too crazy, but please review and tell me. **

_Hi John_

_Today has been a long day. I treated a little girl in a trauma, she was only 6, and she was shot, just because she lives in the wrong neighbourhood. It's amazing how life is here, people running around with guns, and killing each other for the most ridiculous reasons. _

_Anyway, I don't wanna write to you about all those bad things. There have been some good things in my life for the past couple of weeks. I've been spending some time with Eric and his family lately. Actually, they were here for dinner tonight and they just left. His little daughter, Lauren, is just so adorable, and his wife, Julia, is so nice. It has really helped him that he has got them. Both Maggie and he have been on their meds for the past four years. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only one in this world who hasn't got my life together yet. _

_I know this letter is not long or very good, but I'm really tired (it's 00.10 a.m. here), and I have an early shift tomorrow, so I'm gonna end this letter now. _

_Hope you write soon. It's awesome to get a real letter once in a while – _

_Abby _

John rose from his dinner table, where he had been sitting while reading Abbys letter and started cleaning his plate. He felt really good, after hearing from her. He didn't know why, but even this little and pretty depressed letter made him over the top exited.

Twenty minutes later John went the stairs of his house. Or house is an understatement. This was a mansion. No that couldn't do it… this place was like the size of a castle. He opened the gate in the fence that surrounded the house with a press on a button and opened the door. After waiting a few minutes a big black limousine drove up in front of him.

"Hallo, Pierre," John greeted the driver, as he opened the limousine door.

John sighted. Today he had a business meeting with one of France's richest men, who wanted to make a new museum in Paris.

Without wanting it he had become one of the annoying society people that he had always hated. He didn't really know how it had ended up this way. Anyway, he was going to meet all of those boring people, and today he just really didn't feel like having to talk about boring and ridiculous things with men in black suits, who were seated around big tables in dark rooms. Actually he would much rather go someplace nice today. Like the ocean, or maybe just a quiet walk in the forest.

"Pierre, could you drive me home?" He asked.

"Oui mesouir, but you have a meeting soon. What about that?" He asked, sounding a bit confused.

"You know what Pierre? I don't feel like having a meeting today… and when you've driven me home, you can take the rest of the day of." John said, not really believing that he was doing this. Actually, this wasn't good enough. When he'd taken the day of, he could just as well do it properly.

"Hey," he said to Pierre. "Could you drive me to the airport instead? And then go by the house and tell Barbara that I'm going to visit Gamma."

"… and then I'm off for the rest of the day?" Pierre asked, not really believing this.

"Yes, Pierre," John said, reassuring, "Then you're off."

Pierre dropped John of in the airport and in what felt like no time, John had found a plane, and before he even knew it, he was in Chicago… he was home.

'Now there's just one thing,' he thought as he stood in the rain, trying to get a cab, 'where should I go now?'


	5. Welcome to Chicago

**Part 5:**

**Authors note: Well… part five… John is back in Chicago, but what will happen? I have some great ideas, and I promise that some of the next chapters will have more letters in them;)**

An hour later John had finally got a cab (which had seemed to take forever) and now he stood in front of a once well-known door. He knocked at it twice, and then he waited for a reply.

The door was opened quickly, and as he saw the person standing in front of him, looking as if the world had just fallen to pieces, he knew that he had really missed her.

"A-Abby," he whispered her name quietly. It had been such a long time since he had seen her, and now that they stood in front of each other it all seemed to fit together.

"John," she replied, just looking at him, "what are you doing here?"

"I… I missed you… Chicago… I hope it's ok, that I'm here." He said, beginning to doubt the idea of really going back. It had seemed like such a good idea back in France, but now, seeing the look on Abbys face, he began to realize that it had just been a spur-of-the-moment thing, images of the night so many years ago, when he got home from Africa started to flow in his mind.

But instead of repeating the past, Abby smiled at him.

"Come in, it's freezing outside," she offered, opening the door all the way.

Twenty minutes later they were sitting on Abby's couch, under a blanket.

"So… how are you?" Abby asked, turning the coffee in her hand, her feet gently kicking Carter, trying to get his full attention.

"Oh, well, you know the drill…" Carter started talking, giving her foot one playful kick back.

They sat there talking for hours, forgetting all about time and just enjoying each others company.

"Oh, Abby, I've missed you so much, that you won't believe it. It's so wonderful to finally talk to you again," John said trying to explain how happy he felt, sitting there with her.

"I've missed you too, John," Abby said with a fragile little voice. As she lifted her head and looked into his eyes John could see the tears gathering, even though she tried heard to hold them back.

"Abby, what's wrong?" John asked concerned. He lifted his hand and took a stray piece of hair and tugged it behind her ear. Then he placed the hand on her cheek.

She raised her hand and held it over his on her cheek. For one terrible moment John thought that she was gonna remove his hand. Had he gone too far? Did their newfound confidentiality not include this? But she just squeezed his hand and smiled at him.

Slowly they inched closer together and eventually their lips met in a short and insecure kiss. They parted and looked at each other before kissing again, this time more passionately.

The next morning John woke up in an unfamiliar bed. It took him a few seconds to remember it all; he was in Chicago with Abby!

He turned around in the bed slowly, trying not to wake her up and looked at the little alarm clock that was placed on her nightstand. The little black hands showed that it was 8.30 in the morning. John sighted. His plane home would leave at noon.

"Abby," he whispered while he quietly shook her, trying to wake her up.

"John?" she asked in a whisper, giving him this cute morning-glance of hers. John smiled. He suddenly remembered how cute she was in the morning.

"Yeah," he smiled at her.

"Thanks," she whispered and slugged closer to him under the carpets.

"My plane leaves at noon," he said.

"Why are you going home so soon?" she asked a little disappointed.

"Well, this was just a spur-of-the-moment trip and I haven't really brought anything here," he answered. They were both quiet for a moment and then he continued: "I wish I could stay too."

Later that day, when John for the second time in 48 hours was sitting on a plane, he was thinking… and he was glad that he had decided to come to Chicago for a visit.


	6. With all my love – John

**Part 6:**

**Authors note: Thank you for all the lovely reviews you've given me. It only takes thirty seconds for you to write them, but it means the world to me to know what you think. Both criticism and the good stuff are welcome;) I hope you like the new chapter. **

_Dear Abby_

_You know that people say that the third time is the lucky time? I don't believe that anymore. I think this is the 5th time I've tried to start a letter to you. I've got so many feelings build up inside of me, but in some way I find it very hard to actually form them into sentences. _

_Well, you know that night was amazing; I mean YOU are amazing, and I want you to know that I don't regret anything at all. When that is said… well actually, now I'm out of things to write. _

_I… I think that I miss you; I KNOW that I miss you. I thought that I missed you before. When we were just writing letters I missed to hear your voice say the things I read, but now, after really seeing you, it's like I am empty inside and I don't know how to fix it._

_I just read the first part of my letter. When you look at it like that you shouldn't think that it has taken me almost an hour to write this down. Anyway, I think I'm gonna end it now, before it starts to sound even more like a bad paperback-love-novel._

_With all my love – _

_John _

**A/N: I know it was short, but I really wanted this letter to have a chapter of its own.**


	7. “Carter… as in JOHN CARTER!”

**Part 7:**

**Authors note: Well, here we go again… a new chapter. Oh, and I'm really sorry for the delay… didn't know what to write… and I guess I have been pretty busy lately…**

Abby stared blankly at the paper in front of her. It was five thirty in the morning and the ER was unusually slow. She was sitting in the abandoned lounge, trying to write a reply to John.

Now that she had been sitting there for about forty minutes and the only two words on her paper was _Dear John_, she fully began to understand why HE had had such a hard time writing a letter to her.

Abby kept staring at the almost empty page for about ten more minutes. She just let her mind wander far, far away. She thought about John and the relationship they had had. One thought kept crawling around in her head, just nagging her; was she in love with him? Deep inside she knew the answer, but a big part of her didn't really want to admit it. She had convinced that she had gotten over him, and for some reason she wanted it to stay that way.

"Hi, Abby, what are you doing?" Susan's voice suddenly came up behind her. As quickly as she could she hid the letter from Susan's view. She really didn't wanna talk about it.

"It's... uh… nothing…"

"Oh, Abby, don't be such a mood-killer… tell me!" Susan stared at her in the most stubborn way, and somehow she managed to break down all the walls that Abby didn't even knew she'd been building.

"Well, it's just… a letter… to someone," Abby finally admitted. Just then, she realized that this situation looked an awful lot like the one she'd had with Neela a couple of weeks ago, when she was also in the lounge. Only this time it was Susan, who knew a lot more than Neela, about herself and Carter.

"A letter to whom?" Susan asked, still not getting all of her answers.

"It's for… Carter," Abby then said. She figured that when she'd told this much, she could just as well tell it all, and part of her just needed to talk to someone about it, someone who would understand.

"Carter… as in JOHN CARTER!" Susan asked with a stunned look on her face.

Abby smiled. This was actually kinda fun.

"Yeah… as in John Truman Carter III," she said, half smiling.

"When… did this happen?" Susan asked, staring blankly at Abby.

"A couple of months ago. We've been writing together for a while now," Abby said, debating whether or not to tell Susan about the night they spend together.

Before she could make up her mind the door opened again. This time it was Sam.

"Trauma coming in, ETA two minutes," she yelled.

Susan gave Abby on look, before leaving the room… once again Abby was alone, and staring at her almost blank paper.


	8. I… I think I’m in love with you…

**Part 8:**

**Authors note**: **Well, here it goes… Abby's reply to John's last letter…;) This is quiet a chapter, I guess, even though it's not very long. **

_Dear John_

_That last letter you send touched me so much. I miss you too… _

_It's Monday today. This will probably come down as one of the worst Mondays of my entire life. For a starter; I'm on the night shift. You know that I hate nights, then we met the new med students last week, and now I constantly have five of them running after me all the time. No wonder it can be hard to practice medicine from time to time. _

_Today has been very busy. A school-bus on the way home from a fieldtrip crashed. Now, that the place have quieted down a bit, I've found a quiet and med student-free space, though, and I could finally write my reply to you._

_I guess my emotions have been on the surface today. I've just been so moody lately, and I think I might be coming down with the flu. Just exactly what I need! Neela seems to think that I should just find myself a boyfriend. I don't know what to tell her, though… about us. Is there an "us"? _

_I… I think I'm in love with you… there… I wrote it! I'm already regretting that I ever wrote it, but it can't really be removed... I mean it, though, guess I never stopped loving you, even after all those years. Man… I don't know why I'm writing this… I'm not myself today. _

_I'm gonna end this letter now, 'cause I have to post it, before I change my mind. It would be so easy to just throw this letter away, but I want you to know how I feel. _

_Take care of yourself… I'm worried about you – _

_Abby_

Abby folded the letter and slipped it into an envelope. Then she hurried towards her locker, got her coat and rushed out of the ER.

"Frank, I'm taking my break now," she yelled, before rushing out into the cold Chicago winter, completely ignoring the ambulance coming in with a fresh trauma.

She ran across the street, and rushed towards the nearest mail-box. She looked shortly at the address on the envelope, before letting it fall into the darkness. Then she turned around, empty… already regretting…

Then she suddenly hit herself on her forehead and ran back into the ER. Something had come to her attention, and she had to talk to Susan, now…


	9. “You’re Pregnant”

**Part 9:**

**Authors Note: Thank you, thank you, thank you… I've really got some awesome reviews… oh, and the stuff in italics is a flashback. **

**Guesswhat: Yes, I am that Petra;)**

Abby stared blankly at Susan. This couldn't be right, could it? No… it had to be a mistake.

"What?" Abbys voice was so faint. She just didn't wanna believe what she just heard.

"Sorry, Abs, but it says it right here… you're pregnant!"

Abby looked away. She could feel tears forming in her eyes. Why did she have to be pregnant?

"Abby…" Susan asked carefully, sounding almost frightened, "Who is the father?"

Abby looked her straight into the eyes and tried to form the words, but they just couldn't seem to leave her lips. Maybe it was because of the lump in her throat or maybe simply the fact that she didn't really wanna tell, Abby didn't know witch one it was.

However, after a couple of moments she said: "It is… Carter… he came here, to see me a couple of weeks ago."

Susan just stared at her.

"Wow, Abby… that's… are you gonna tell him?" she then asked.

"I…I don't know," Abby whispered, just realizing in that moment that this was another decision to make.

"Can I go home, Susan?" Abby asked, hoping to God that Susan would say yes.

"Of cause you can. I'll get Neela to cover the rest of your shift," Susan said.

"Ok, but please don't tell her," Abby said, on her way out.

"I won't, I promise."

Later that night, at home Abby was sitting on her couch, wrapped in an enormous blanket, with a coffee in her hand, thinking.

She thought of John, of her and John and about their unborn baby. She allowed her mind travel through that ocean of memories she had with Carter in them. There were lots of them, but her mind settled with the last conversation she'd ever had with him.

_It had been his very last day in the ER, and he'd just given her, Neela and Ray the letter he wrote to himself under Marks supervising. She knew that this would be the last time for ages that she would see him. Maybe… maybe she wouldn't even see him again. _

_As she sat there, reading the letter, she suddenly realized that she probably never would see him again. This was her last chance to say goodbye… she couldn't pass it by._

"_Look, Neela, I gonna be back in a little bit," Abby said as she stood up quickly, rushing out of the room. She had to find him._

'Come on, Abby… run… you have to do this,' _she tough to herself. "Jerry," she yelled at the clerk, "have you seen Carter?"_

_The big man turned around and looked at her, "do I look like his nanny? Big hospital… many people, can't keep track of everyone."_

"_Just tell me where he went, dammit!" She screamed desperately at him. She knew she didn't have much time. _

"'_Kay… he left." Jerry said as-a-matter-of-factly, turning his attention back to his doughnut. _

'Shit,'_ Abby thought. She might not reach him… she might never talk to him again. Abby felt the pain and panic overtake her body._

_She ran through the ambulance bay. "Morris! Have you seen Dr. Carter?" she tried to yell, even tough she didn't have much air, after running that fast. _

"_He just went down the street to get his car…" Morris answered._

_Abby almost didn't hear him… she had no time… _

_She turned around the corner, just in time to see the red back-lights of Johns old jeep turn on. _

"_Carter… Carter, wait," Abby yelled after the car. No response. He hadn't heard her. "Carter… JOHN!" she yelled furiously._

_She looked at the car, tears filling her eyes. He would leave and she would never talk to him. _

_Suddenly the car stopped. The door opened and John came out of it. _

_When Abby saw him, she couldn't resist. She was gonna miss him so much, and right in that moment she didn't care about the consequences of her actions. She ran towards him, and threw herself into his arms. She placed her head on his shoulder and as they stood there, she could feel the tears building up. _

"_Oh… I'm gonna miss you so much, Carter" She whispered, snuggling closer to him, burying her head in his chest._

"_I'm gonna miss you too, Abs…" he whispered, his voice hoarse from tears, "you take care of yourself, ok?" With that he released himself from her embrace and went back into his car… and drove away. _

_Abby just stood there. She had no idea for how long…_

A loud knock on the door ripped her out of her memory. Slowly she rose from the couch and went to open the door. Outside stood the last person she had expected… Carter!

2


	10. Welcome to Chicago 2

**Part 10:**

**Authors note: Yay… here goes chapter 10. It starts right where chapter 9 ended. Enjoy… or don't… actually that's up to you, but I've done my best, so I hope you'll like it;) Uh… and thanks to Viviana… she helped me a lot…**

"Ca-carter?" Abby asked nervously, being rather stunned by his sudden appearance.

"I… got your letter, and…uh… I wanted to talk to you about it." He rambled of, insecurity being present in his voice.

They just stood there for a moment, each thinking their own thoughts. Eventually he smiled at her.

Neither of them wanted to break the comfortable silence, but after a while Abby finally pulled herself together.

"Do you wanna come inside," she opened the door fully, for him to enter, stepping away from the opening. He gratefully went by her, hung his coat and placed himself in one end of the couch.

As Abby watched him, she couldn't help but to enjoy the sight of him. He looked so gorgeous and right in that instant she couldn't come up with a single argument for ever letting him slip out of her life, and she knew that if she ever had the chance to be with him again, she wouldn't let anything bad happen. Not this time.

"Uh, do you want coffee… or maybe some food? You must be hungry after the trip." Abbys voice finally broke the silence that had once again taken over the apartment.

"Coffee will be just fine, I ate on the plane." He answered, "But thanks for offering."

Abby went to the kitchen to fix the coffee and came back five minutes later, with two streaming mugs, finding John on her couch, fast asleep.

She smiled as she carefully placed the mugs on the coffee table, making her way towards his sleeping figure. She sat on the couch, careful not to make any sudden movements that might wake him up. For a moment she sat still, just looking his beautiful face. Then, all of a sudden, she felt a strong urge to kiss him. She tried to fight it, telling herself that it wasn't the right moment, but she couldn't help it. Without really thinking she bend down and ever so slowly she caressed his lips with her own. Then she pulled away, watching his face, which was still relaxed.

Her face was still just inches from his when his eyelids suddenly fluttered open.

"That felt good," he smiled his gorgeous smile at her. "Feel like doing it again?" he asked.

Abby just smiled as she brought her lips to his yet again.

"Abby," John was yet again the one to break the silence in the room.

"Yes."

"Uh, there's something I want to talk to you about," he said tenderly, moving a little so that she sat in front of him on the couch.

'_Well' _Abby thought of her own secret '_that makes two of us_'. The problem was just that she didn't know how to approach the subject. Come to think of it, she wasn't even sure if he would even want a baby. If he would even want a baby with _her_, more like.

Anyway, Abby decided to let him speak first. _He_ was after all the one who had jumped on a plane from France to talk to _her_.

"Well… I've decided to move back to Chicago… for good" he smiled at her, as he said this. It was a small and trying smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"Wow… Carter… that's… wow… When did you decide that?" She asked him, rather stunned. She most certainly didn't expect this from him.

"The letter you send me this time-" he started to say, but Abby cut him short.

"Yes… about that letter," she whispered, "I meant every word of it." Now it was her turn to give a trying smile.

She hadn't needed to do that, because he pulled her ear close to his head and whispered: "You make me happy, Abby."

They spend a good part of the night kissing, touching and talking. Abby made sure not to come anywhere near the subject "baby". She just wasn't ready to tell him yet, and she didn't want to explain everything to him.

The next morning Abby was relaxing in her bed, her body tangled with Johns. She turned over so she could look at him. _'I'm gonna tell him now,' _she thought, taking a deep breath.

"Uh, John, there's something I'd like to talk to you about," she started, but when he looked into her eyes, she just couldn't say it. "Uh… would you like to stay with me…? I mean… you haven't got a place here, in Chicago, yet, have you?" she asked, quietly cursing herself for not telling him about the baby.

"Oh, Abby… I'd love that" he gently whispered, and as he kissed her again Abby thought that maybe it was all gonna be ok, even if she didn't tell him.

1


	11. In sickness and health

**Part 11:**

The whole world was dark and quiet. Everyone was at peace… or that is… not everyone. Abby turned feverishly in the bed. Something had woken her quiet a wile ago, and now she couldn't seem to go back to sleep again. She had tried everything, but absolutely nothing had helped.

Right at the moment, when she was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling and trying to concentrate on relaxing her whole body, she suddenly felt the sudden wave of nausea wash over her. She needed to get to the bathroom… now!

As quietly and quickly as she could she removed the bedcovers and stepped out of bed, trying not to wake Carter up. The floor was cold and she shivered as she placed her feet upon it.

Abby soon realized that standing up hadn't been a good idea. As soon as she was on her feet she felt the contents of her stomach floating into her mouth, and she knew that it would only be a matter of seconds before she couldn't hold it back anymore.

She ran towards the bathroom as fast as she could, and soon forgot everything about not waking Carter, but she wasn't fast enough. Just as she was about to enter the bathroom she bend over and emptied her stomach right on the floor.

"Damn…" Abby said out loud. Why had she never been able to control herself when it came to that sort of things? She suddenly remembered, when she was ill as a kid, she'd never been able to do that either, and every time it went wrong she'd been lectured. Eric had always been good at controlling himself. She could recall once, she'd asked him how he did it, and he'd answered her that he just swallowed everything that came up. She'd always wanted to be able to do that, in that instant more than ever before.

Abby was ripped out of thought as she once again felt the need to throw up become present. This time she made it to the toilet. When she was done she sat down on the cold bathroom floor, looking at the mess she'd made, but not being able to do something about it just yet.

She had no idea for how long she'd been sitting there when Carter came out to check on her.

"Abby?" he asked her with a voice full of love and nervousness. "Are you ok? How long have you been sitting out here?"

"I… look, it's ok… just go back to bed, and I'll be there in a sec." Abbys voice was shaking and she realized that he probably wasn't fooled.

"Abby," the way he said her name, proved her feeling. "Go back to bed. I'll clean up this mess."

As she left the room Abby couldn't help but to feel that she'd just gotten herself into some very bad trouble. She wasn't stupid, but neither was he. _'Abby, your fool…'_ she thought to herself, '_he is a doctor, for Gods sake. You can't fool him. He'll soon enough know what's wrong. Well… at least when I'm starting to show.'_

Groggily and still a little nauseous, Abby crawled back to bed. The soft feeling of the bedcovers was calming and almost against her own will Abby felt herself fall asleep. When she for one last time tried to open her heavy eyelids and fight the sleep, she caught a glimpse of the watch on her nightstand. 05.02. She'd have to get up in an hour anyway. Her shift started at seven and she couldn't even call in sick today because she had an appointment with her OB, Dr. Coburn to have her first ultrasound this afternoon. But even with those thoughts swimming in her mind, Abby couldn't fight it anymore and soon she felt herself falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

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	12. An unexpected problem

**Part 12:**

**Authors note: I have a prayer to all of you: PLEEEASE, review my story! Only one person reviewed my last chapter! Does that mean that you don't like the story? Or didn't you have the time? No matter what I'd just like you to review… and criticism is welcome too.**

After one short hour of sleep, Abby was awoken by the sound of her alarm clock. Still a little dizzy and with the burning sensation of having thrown up recently, she went to the bathroom to get cleaned up before her shift.

About twenty minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom, in a much cleaner and more awake state than she'd been, before her shower. Slowly she pulled out a drawer and found some underwear. Then she moved on to the clothes. She picked a light brown shirt and a pair of black pants. Then she turned to the mirror to get a quick look at herself. She pulled her hair back in a loose pony tail and put on some make-up. As she placed her black eyeliner on the table she got a look at her wristwatch. 06.35.

'_Shit_'Abby thought. She was gonna be late if she didn't hurry. Quickly she turned around to face the bed and looked at the outlines of Carters sleeping figure. She didn't wanna wake him up. He had hardly gotten any sleep this morning, because of her, but yet, she found herself already missing him. '_He has a cute butt_' she caught herself thinking. But there wasn't time for that sort of things. She was already late and she didn't want to get into anymore trouble than she already was.

All of a sudden, she got an idea. Smiling to herself, she turned around and went into the kitchen. She quickly found a piece of paper and a pen and started writing:

_Dear John_

_It's very early in the morning right now, and I'm on my way to work. You looked so tired, so I didn't wanna wake you. I just wanted to tell you that I already miss you and that I hope we can do something together when I get home… you know what? Why don't you meet me at "the bench" at six 'o'clock, when my shift is over, and then we can go do something?_

_Little kisses – _

_Abby_

Abby left the note right in the middle of the dinner table, where she knew that he'd find it and then she rushed out the door, towards the el.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

"Abby!" Abby sighed at the sound of her own name.

'_Here comes the total execution," _she thought to herself, as she watched a very angry-looking Dr. Weaver, who was moving in her direction.

"Abby, didn't you hear me calling?" Dr. Weaver asked, referring to the fact that Abby hadn't responded to her yelling.

"I'm sorry Dr. Weaver, I didn't," Abby lied, putting on a fake smile.

"Well, you're late again, and I'll not tolerate that from you anymore. I thought I made it clear last time!" Weaver was in a particularly bad mood today.

"I'm really sorry, it was just…" Abby tried to start, but she was cut short by Dr. Weaver yet again.

"No excuses! Just get to work… oh, and you can make your delay up by working late tonight."

"Uh, Dr. Weaver," Abby cursed her luck, for having to tell this. She'd hoped to keep it as her own little secret for just a little wile longer.

"I can't work overtime today, because I have an appointment with Dr. Coburn right after my shift," Abby said.

"Dr. Coburn? The one from OB?" Weaver asked her curiously.

Abby just smiled at her, and without even thinking about it, she held a hand over her stomach.

"Well, if that's the case, I guess that we can overlook your delay," Kerry said, before leaving her alone.

Abby turned and walked into the lounge, where she finally got her coat of. God, this was already a bad day. She still felt nauseous, and in about 20 minutes the whole hospital would know why. Kerry wasn't the one to gossip, but Abby had noticed several people who had listened carefully to their conversation. Abby smiled to herself. If only they knew who the father was… Now THAT would be gossip! But that was also a secret; she wanted to keep to herself. Well… of cause Susan knew, but Abby highly doubted that she would be the one to tell. Susan could actually keep a secret, if she wanted to. With that thought to settle her mind, Abby went out of the peaceful lounge and into the total chaos of the ER.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

"So, Abby, do you want to know the baby's sex?" Dr. Coburn asked Abby, who had changed into a white gown, and was lying on a bed, with an ultrasound on her belly.

"No… just as long as it's healthy," Abby answered. She found that there were some things that ought to be a surprise from the nature's side.

Abby relaxed her body against the soft bed, and trying not to shiver at the cold sensation of the gel, that was splashed all over her stomach. On the screen next to her Abby could see little movements, and suddenly she heard a heartbeat! Her own heart skipped a beat, as she began to smile. This was her baby, and now, more than ever, she felt a wave of love towards this little unborn thing float over her.

"Ok, Abby. It looks like you've got a beautiful and healthy little one inside of you," Dr. Coburn told her.

"Thank you," Abby said, smiling so wide that she thought that her face would break.

"Abby…?" a just way to well known and unpleasant voice was heard just right behind her. She turned around, and there he stood. The last person Abby wanted to see right now, was standing in the doorway with a much neglected look on his face.

**A/N: So… what did you think? PLEASE hit that button…**

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	13. All alone again

**Part 13:**

**Authors note: Well, it looks like my begging in the last chapter helped… thanks for all the lovely reviews ;) I seriously mean it: you guys are great… anyway… on with the story. Oh, and I'd also like to thank EVERYONE who is currently writing a Carby fanfiction, because we need them… even though Carter is no longer on the show, we can still dream… and keep them coming;)**

Abby was frozen to the gurney. What was HE doing here? He wasn't supposed to meet her for like half an hour! Oh, man… really not good.

"Abby…" his voice was toneless, as he stared blankly at her.

The empty look on his face just made her insides weep. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen… not at all, actually. The plan had been more like taking him to the lake, and then quietly whispering it in his ear and then he'd hug her and everything would be good.

He turned around and started to leave.

"Please Carter, don't go," Abby whispered, which was all she could make her voice do at the moment. "I can explain."

He heard her though… he heard her and stopped for a moment. She was watching his back, tears filling her eyes. Then he turned around.

"Abby… there's nothing to explain," he said slowly. She could see the tears gathering in his eyes.

"It's mine right?" he then asked.

Abby couldn't do anything but to nod.

"Well… in that case: Why didn't you tell me? Were you even planning to?" he asked, sounding so hurt. Then he turned his back on her… and left.

Abby just sat still. She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, trying to hold the tears, which so desperately wanted to fall from her eyes, back. Suddenly she felt the warmth and heaviness of a hand being placed on her shoulder.

"Abby… I think that you should go home," Abby turned around, to see the caring face of her ex-co-worker, Dr. Jane Coburn, looking down at her.

Abby stared emptily into space for a little while longer, and then she pushed herself of the gurney and slipped out of the hospital gown. Then she dressed quietly, found her jacket and as fast as possible she ran away from there…

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

Abby felt the cold wind blowing into her face as she headed towards the el. Her whole body was shivering, but yet she didn't feel cold. All she could feel was emptiness. The only man she'd ever loved had abandoned her… again.

Once she was on the el, she started to relax a little, even though she was still shivering. After the first shock and the tip of the heartache had left her, she could begin to think straight again. _'He might just be at home, I can still reach him… just relax Abby, you're gonna talk to him, and everything is gonna be just fine.'_ She kept thinking. She had to think that way. Her brain wouldn't allow her to see that the reality might be another. She couldn't face that thought just yet.

With these things swirling in her mind, Abby suddenly found herself in front of her very own door. Her glove-covered hand was roaming around in her purse, trying to get a hold of her keys.

Eventually she got them, and with a great bit of nervousness she pushed the key into the lock, and turned it around. Then she placed her hand on the door-knob and ever so slowly she pushed the door open and entered the apartment.

Once inside it didn't take her long for the realization to hit her: He was gone. He was gone, and she didn't know where to.

For the second time that day, Abby felt the burning sensation of a lump in her throat. This time she didn't even try to hold back. She just allowed the tears to fall.

Slowly she went towards the kitchen, just needing to sit down somewhere. She picked a chair, pulled it out and sat down… that was when she noticed; right in the middle of the table, in the exact same spot as she had left her note in the morning, a lonely piece of paper was placed.

With her view all blurry from the tears that were still hanging in her eyelashes, Abby picked the paper up and stared at it.

It took her a few seconds to realize what it was. Her hart skipped a beat, and she began reading.

_My dearest Abby_

_Why? What is going on? Why didn't you tell me? _

_When you're reading this, I might not even be in the country anymore… I'm going back to Paris for a while. I don't know if I'm coming back, actually… Look, if you don't wanna be with me then tell me. I don't wanna hang around here for nothing. _

_Didn't we agree on talking to each other this time? I thought you said that that was the only way this is gonna work. How long have you known this? It must have been a while, if you were getting your first ultrasound today… God, Abby… I wanted to be there, dammit. Didn't you want this to happen to the two of us together? Did you want this to happen at all? _

_I don't know what to do. Feel free to write to me… But I won't guarantee a reply. _

_Just tell me why - _

_John_

Abby was crying so hard now, that there wouldn't be any letter left in just a few seconds because her wet tears would destroy the paper completely. What would it matter anyway? She didn't need to read it again. He had said everything. There was nothing left.

Vaguely, Abby rose from the table and went into her bedroom. She just needed to get to bed, sleep forever and forget…

**A/N: So… you all just needed a little encouraging with the review-part… and I take anonymous ones too so you do not have an excuse… Oh, and I'd like to know if you think that I stayed true to the characters. I tried to, but I found it very difficult in this chapter.**

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	14. Back in Paris

**Part 14:**

**A/N: So… here is a chapter from John's point of view… hope you'll like it. **

**I'd also like to apologize for my lack of updating, but really I just lost my motivation. I've seen 'bout a hundred doctors and they diagnosed me: WRITERS BLOCK! But I think I'm cured now.**

**The song that John is listening to is "Only One" by "Lifehouse". It's a great song, which I think is fitting awesome on Carby.**

John's feet felt like they'd gained almost a thousand pounds of weight. He had blown everything and he knew it. The darkness was absorbing and as he walked the silent streets of Paris John felt a wave of tiredness run through his body. He was tired and he didn't care anymore. Everything was broken anyway so why did he even bother trying to collect the pieces again. Hadn't they tried this whole thing ages ago and figured that it didn't work? Who were they trying to fool?

The only, yet so big, difference from then were the baby. He couldn't take care of a baby… and he didn't want to. Truth be told, John was afraid that he'd look at the baby and it would be a constant reminder of Joshua. I wasn't like he missed Kem or even ever thought that their relationship could have worked, but he missed the baby. He missed him so much.

John couldn't count all the times where he'd been lying sleepless, just thinking about the little, cold body in his arms. Every time he had told himself that he was just being stupid and that it was impossible to love a person you didn't even have a chance to get to know. He couldn't do anything about it, though. Those feelings were uncontrollable.

As John walked up the driveway towards his estate he stared blankly into space. His cheeks felt warm and wet, but he didn't know if it was from the rain or if he was crying… well, he had a reason to cry: The woman of his dreams was sitting somewhere in another country halfway around the world and she was pregnant with his baby. Yet again, it could be the rain…

John found his key and locked himself into the house. Once inside he decided to save the home-spun philosophy for later. He was tired and all he wanted was to go to bed and sleep his whole life away.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

The next morning John was woken up early. His whole bedroom was shaking from a very loud song was playing from elsewhere in the house.

"Barbara!" John muttered under his breath. This couldn't be anyone else than his crazy big sister.

The music kept playing and as John found a more comfortable position in the bed he started to listen to the song. It was a very nice song. Actually he thought he'd heard it before at Abbys place. It was one of the single songs that they both liked.

'_Man, I've really screwed up.'_ John thought once again.

Just then the song ended. The next song was a much more cheerful than the previous one and suddenly John needed to get up and do something.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

Ten minutes later John had put on a bathrobe and entered the kitchen. Just as he had foreseen, Barbara was dancing around with her back to him, totally oblivious to everything.

"Barb!" John yelled, trying to communicate in spite of the music… and failed miserably.

"Baaarb!" he yelled again… no response.

"BARB!" this time the girl turned around.

"Scooter!" she shouted as she ran towards him and planted a big kiss on his cheek.

"Barbara… Don't do that!" John blushed. He didn't know why, but this always made him so embarrassed.

"Well, Scooter. What are you doing back here? I thought you'd moved back to Chicago. For real," Barbara leaned against the counter, with an attitude that demanded answers.

As she stood there in front of him, John couldn't help to se how much they looked like each other. The long and wavy hazel hair falling down around her face and the straight nose made her look like an older female version of himself.

"Johnny-boy… Hallo?" she said in a waiting tone.

"Oh, sorry" John had completely forgotten to answer her question.

"Well, it's a kinda long story, but…" he started to explain.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

"… so, that was all. Now I just don't know what to do." John finished his story fifteen minutes later. He had told her everything about his relationship whit Abby and how he'd left her.

"You know what, Scooter?" Barbara asked, totally ignoring the fact that John hated that name.

"I think that you screwed up there." She told him. "Not the whole thing about the baby, but it was a bummer to go back here. I can only imagine how hurt that Abby-girl must be now."

"So you mean that I should hurry back now?" John secretly feared that that was what he had to do. He didn't feel quite ready to face her just yet.

"No, John." She dramatically paused. "If you really love her you should give her a little time."

"You know that you sound like someone from a bad soap opera, right?" John asked. He was about to laugh despite the seriousness of the situation.

"Yeah, maybe, but I think that it'd be the right thing to do."

"OK," John smiled sadly. He had gotten something to think about.

**A/N: So PLEEEEEASE review… I'd like to know what you think about Barbara. She was mentioned once by Carters cousin, Chase in season 4, so she's not mine. **

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	15. Attention

ATTENTION…… ATTENTION

I am writing this because my internet is currently down and I don't know when I'll be able to post anything again… I'm hoping for the best, but if not I just wanted to tell you all that I'm sorry and please don't hate me…


	16. Another letter

**Part 15:**

**A/N: So… I know it's been long, but as I wrote my internet was out of order, but fortunately I've been writing a longer chapter instead of the short ones, so I hope you'll forgive me? Please…**

**Oh, and as you can see, I've changed my username (CrazyForCarby), but I'm still the old me.**

**In Chicago. Abbys POV:**

"Beep… beep… beep… be…" Abby turned around in her bed groggily and hit the alarm. God she hated to get up in the morning and the constant nausea and dizziness caused by the pregnancy didn't exactly help.

Ever so slowly, Abby got out of bed. As she dragged herself towards her dresser, she praised herself lucky that she had been taking a shower just last night, so that she at least wouldn't have to worry about that now.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Abby had gotten herself dressed in an orange t-shirt and a pair of dark-brown pants. She could still fit into her normal clothes, but she knew that it wouldn't be long, before she'd need to buy something larger.

'_Man, I'll look like a freaking elephant before long,'_ Abby thought, giving her growing frame a dark look in the mirror, and ended the circle with her obligatory eye roll.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

About an hour later Abby sat in admit. She just started her shift ten minutes ago and now she felt about ready to go back home and lie down.

"Hi, Abby. How are you doing today?" Susan's cheerful came up beside her. "Wow… Abby you look like shit," she stated after getting a closer look on her friends face.

"Well, you know, the joy of pregnancy… nausea, dizziness, burning throat and the fact that I'll be about ten pounds heavier in a matter of weeks …" Abby said in a monotone tune.

"You forgot the headache…" Susan said mockingly.

"Look, Sus, I don't wanna do something that might hurt you," Abby told her friend in a very telling way. Then she shot her a glare and turned back to her charts.

"Well, honey, you are forgetting the good parts," Susan kept bugging her.

"And that is?"

"Well, for an example: No bleeding for nine months. That's gotta count for something."

"Oh, you just ALWAYS need to be right, don't you?" Abby asked annoyed and laid down her chart. "I'm gonna go take a nap. Wake me up when anything comes in." Then she walked right past the obviously amused Frank and found herself a place to sleep.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

Abby didn't get long in peace. Once again her intruder was Susan.

"Abby, I'm sorry," She said, clearly remembering her mood from before, "but you have to come out here and help us out, we're getting slammed with this whole bunch of GSW's coming in. It's some kind of gang war, I think."

Abby rose slowly from the cot, but as soon as she stood, she could feel the nausea take over her body. Before even thinking, she bend over and barfed into a dustbin right next to her.

"Wow, Abby," Susan said seriously, "you weren't joking when you said that you didn't feel good."

"No, I wasn't," Abby said clutching a hand in front of her mouth, as she felt more nausea coming.

"Look, why don't you go home and take a nice nap, and then you'll be better tomorrow, and if not, then take a few more days of," Susan said. She was nervous about her friend.

"Thanks Sus," Abby replied. Then she walked past her friend and out of the ER.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

Once at home, Abby felt restless. She didn't know what to do. She wasn't tired and she didn't feel like doing anything. She threw herself on the couch and started flipping through the channels, when it occurred to her: She had to write a letter.

**In France. Johns POV:**

It was a beautiful morning. The hot august-sun was shining down from a blue sky. John was lying outside his and Barbara's house with a paper in front of him. Today was gonna be the day where he'd finally write a letter to Abby.

He had been in France for more than four weeks now, and even though he'd tried to postpone it he knew he couldn't wait any longer. There was so much he wanted to tell. So many things to explain, but in some way he found very hard to form it down into sentences.

"Scooter! Scooter…" Barbara's voice stopped John's flow of thoughts and he drew his attention away from the paper.

"What is it Barbara?" He asked, choosing to ignore the hated nickname.

"I've got a letter for you… it's from Chicago…"

"Oh, man…" John sat up straight up. "Who's it from?"

"I think it says…" Barbara said in a mocking tone, turning the envelope around. "Abby Lockhart, right here…"

"Barb, give me that," John told her furiously, though he had his doubts that it would work.

"Oh… little Scooter has got a letter from a girl," Barbara teased, but stopped as she saw the expression at Johns face.

"John… it's not THAT Abby, is it, John?" she asked in an excusing tone.

"Yeah… yeah, it's her…" John said paralyzed as he reached out to take the envelope.

"Oh God, John, I'm so sorry I teased you," Barbara said, but John didn't listen. He was far too busy, opening the letter from Abby.

As he unfolded the paper from inside the envelope he read:

_Dear John_

_Please... just PLEASE read this letter. I don't know if you'll even wanna know me anymore. I don't know if you heard it, but this baby IS yours… You are the only one I've been with for about three years… and the only one I ever wanna be with again. _

_I love you and I want to have this baby with YOU. You are the only one I could ever imagine having a baby with (and it's not just the hormones talking), so I guess I kinda beg you: Come home!_

_I don't just want you to come home for a short while. Move back here for real. We can buy a house and you can do the foundation-work here. I can't have this baby without you… I'm NOT having this baby without you. _

_Hey… this was just rushed, but we really need to talk. When I say talk I mean like really talk. Not on the phone, but for real. It's not just about us anymore… we have a child to support here and we have to work this out in one way or another… so PLEASE just think about it. _

_We both acted like jerks, but I beg you… don't walk away from this – _

_Abby_

John slowly rose from the blanket he'd been sitting on. Without even noticing the nervous-looking Barbara, he went into the house and threw himself on his bed. He was in a trance-like state of mind. He'd gotten a letter from her. A real letter and the letter said that she wanted him back. But did HE want it? As she wrote, they'd both been acting like jerks, but wasn't she the one who had kept the most important secret from him for so long.

"Well excuse me if I'm not all too keen on just running straight back into your arms after what you did to me," he said aloud to himself.

Then his mind drifted away in more thoughts.

**A/N: Well. Good or bad. Did you think I need a serious reality check or did you just love it? Or do you wanna say something completely different? JUST TELL ME, PLEASE… that'd make me HAPPY;)**

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	17. It was Susan!

**Part 16:**

**Authors note: Here we go again… enjoy!**

**_AND THANKS FOR THE REWIEWS… THEY'RE AMAZING. ESPECIALLY COOKIES… YOU MAKE ME HAPPY;)_(I do understand your English…)**

Abby sighed and lowered herself down onto the annoying little round, black chair and pulled the metal tray towards her.

"So, Johnny," she smiled at the little boy in front of her, trying not to think about the irony of his name.

"What colour will it be? The red, the blue, the green or the purple one?" she asked him, gesturing towards the different casts.

"Uh," Johnny sad, touching his chin, as he apparently thought hard about the tough question. "I… think I'd like to have the blue one," he finally said.

"Well, then we'll go with he blue one," Abby said as confirm.

"Is that healthy?" Johnny's mother, who stood right behind him, put a hand on her sons shoulder and looked around, seemingly rather edgy.

"Oh, I can assure you, this is just plain powder paint," Abby said as she begun to mix the right colour for the cast.

"But won't the chemicals react with the plaster and cause his skin to react?" the annoying woman kept inquiring. "My Johnny has very sensitive skin, you know."

"Look, it'll be fine," Abby said tiredly. She was rather far away in thoughts of something – or someone – rather different and quiet frankly she didn't feel up to discussing this with the woman.

"If there is a problem we can just put a white cast on Johnny's arm."

This announcement made the boy scream that he wanted the blue colour and finally the mum agreed.

Moderately tired and irritated Abby started casting little Johnny's arm, trying to smile at his agitated mum, who seemed to have a serious problem with hospitals. She was happy when she could get out of the room and send the two of them home to hopefully never see them again.

Once out of the exam-room she was greeted by an as usual way to happy Susan, who stood at admit, playing jokes with Jerry.

"Hey Abby," she smiled as Abby placed Johnny's chart in the enormous pile in front of Jerry that read "discharged".

"Hi Susan," Abby replied her friend in a don't-get-too-close-or-I'll-bite-your-head-of tone.

"Wow… Pregnant women, huh?" Jerry asked in a teasing way. He found the whole thing very amusing and had, as almost everyone else in the ER participated in the bet on who was the father of Abbys unborn baby.

"Oh, shot up Jerry, or I'll make you wish that you were 'emergency service coordinator' somewhere far, far away from here!" Abby said, referring to the title, Jerry had made up for himself.

"Well, you could at least tell me, who the father is first," he said in a business-like tone, leaning towards Abby with a smirk on his face.

"Just leave her, Jerry," Susan bit at the enormous clerk, in an attempt to stand up for her friend.

"Well, I bet YOU know who it is?" Jerry asked, suddenly becoming more interested in Susan than before.

"OK then, Jerry," Abby said. All of a sudden she wanted to have some fun.

"It is Morris, that cute little redhead," she continued, before dragging Susan along towards the lounge.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

"Oh my god, Abby, where did that come from?" Susan asked Abby. She was so destroyed by laughter, that Abby could hardly understand her.

"I don't know, I suppose it's just the hormones talking" she said, herself finding it very hard not to laugh just as hard as Susan.

"Did you see his face?" Susan kept going.

"Yeah…"

"Do you wanna go grab some food at Ike's? I'm of now." Susan offered.

"No… I can't," Abby said tiredly, "still got a good wile to go."

"Well, I gotta get home. Cosmo and Chuck are on some men's camp, so I have the whole house to myself," Susan said, referring to the place her and Chuck had bought a while ago.

"Yeah… see you tomorrow," Abby said. She couldn't help but to be just a tiny bit envious as she said goodbye to her friend and went back to work.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

After the 10th hour of her shift, Abby felt like a used cloth. She was tired, her ankles hurt, and she had just had her first break since her little talk with Susan. Truth be told, she just wanted to go home and take a shower and have someone take care of her. Unfortunately she'd have to go shopping and cook for herself first…

"Trauma coming in," Chuny yelled, dragging Abby out of her daydreams of foot rubs and hot tubs.

"Can't you get someone else, I'm pregnant?" Abby asked her, only half joking.

"Nope, you're it. Luka is upstairs with some x-rays" Chuny answered her.

Abby got herself pulled of the couch, grabbed her stethoscope and started limping towards the ambulance bay.

It didn't take long for the ambulance to show. Doris, the paramedic jumped out of the rig and started pulling a gurney out.

"What have we got?" Abby asked her, switching into her doctor mode, trying to ignore her aching body.

"37 year old female, got burned at her home when some candles lit the curtains in her window frame." Doris rambled of as she pushed the gurney towards Abby.

As Abby got a look of the patient she had to close her eyes for awhile. Even though she had 3rd degree burns over most of her body there was no doubt. It was Susan!

**A/N: Sorry, I couldn't help it. Another cliff-hanger. Well, please tell me what you think…;)**

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	18. Susan's dead

**Part 17:**

**Authors Note: So… I guess you've been looking forward to this, huh? Well, here we go. **

**_JUST FOR COOKIE:_ This is my prayer to you: Get a profile on this homepage! You don't have to write storeys to have one, but I can write a review-reply to you (and I'd really like that, 'cause I have so much to say to you!). PLEASE?**

_Dear John_

_Please find yourself a chair or something and sit down before reading any further. I have some very bad news to tell you. John, Susan is dead! I don't know what to do with myself anymore! She's gone. I just don't understand it. _

_Well… I suppose you wanna know what happened, right? It was last night (I'm sorry for not writing this sooner, but I really just needed a night to recoup, before I could make myself relive what feels like the worst nightmare ever). It was Doris Pickman, the paramedic, who brought her in. _

_She had had a candle in her window, and it had lit the curtains by a mistake… oh, John, what if she hadn't lit those candles? Why couldn't she just have used electricity? I don't understand it. _

_Chuck is also devastated. He was on this men's camp with Cosmo, so they're alright, thank God… I just feel so alone! She was the one I could really talk to in this damned hospital. I don't know how I'm gonna go on without her…_

_Anyway, I just wanted you to know that the funeral is on Sunday. I hope you'll come; she was your friend too._

_Yours _

_Abby _

**A/N: Ok, I was really nervous about this chapter. I hope I didn't harm anyone's feelings and that you'll keep reading (and for Gods sake reviewing too)…;) Love ya all…**

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	19. Welcome to Chicago 3

**Part 18:**

**Authors Note: Hey, I'm glad that you all gave me so beautiful reviews. I was afraid that I might have offended someone by killing an important character. **

**Please notice that I've given the chapters titles. I just read a very long fic, which didn't have titled chapters and it was a hell to try and find the right one where that good part was in, so that's why I did this... for all of you… Also I'd like you to write it in a review if there's a chapter you'd recommend another title for.**

**And thanks to Cookie-ER, who helped me get over a writers block… lots love to you and stay warm;)**

John loosened his grip and watched the fatal white piece of paper struggle against gravity before finally landing flat on the ground defeated, just like him. A strangled moan was released from his throat, as he slid down and sat on the kitchen floor with his knees drawn all the way up to his chin. Why? Why did Susan of all people have to be gone?

Suddenly an urgent need to do something about the whole thing took over his body and without thinking, John rose from the floor.

Resolutely he lifted his arm and wiped away the tears that had gathered there. He had to get of to Chicago now, if he didn't want to miss the funeral. In a matter of seconds Johns mind was made up and without thinking about his flighty hair or the oversized bulls t-shirt he was wearing (which didn't smell very well, seeing as he'd been sleeping in it) he ran up the stairs, put on some old pants, grabbed his wallet and rushed towards the entrance hall, where he quickly got a hold of his coat, before running out the door.

"Pierre," he yelled towards the garage building on his left, hoping to God that his chauffeur was in there.

"John, what's going on," it wasn't the voice of Pierre that answered, but the one of his sister, Barbara, whose body soon appeared in front of him.

"It's Susan… she's dead… I need to go to Chicago now if I don't wanna miss her funeral," John rambled of in such a hurry that Barbara didn't have a chance to say anything.

"Oh God, John, I'm so sorry," Barbara said silently, knowing who Susan was and how much she'd meant to her little brother.

"Can you drive me to the airport?" John asked her, suddenly sounding very small and sad.

"Of cause I can," Barbara answered and put a soft and comforting hand on his face, just to let him know that she was there.

"Do you want me to come along?" she then asked, knowing that it had to be hard, facing this on top of everything that had happened with Abby and the baby and she would be more than happy to support him through it all.

"No, Barb, you don't have to do that," John smiled sadly at her. "You haven't been home for years, I won't put you trough that."

"Well, I'll take you then," Barbara said, actually feeling relieved that she didn't have to go back.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

10 hours later, John found himself standing in O'Hare, looking around for a cab that could take him somewhere. It had taken him about three hours to actually get on a plain, and after flying the eight hours it took to get from Paris to Chicago, he was both physically and emotionally drained.

"Hey, you… are you getting in, or am I going to find another costumer?" John looked in direction of the voice, just to find that he had been so occupied by his thoughts that a taxi had driven in front of him and that a very angry-looking cab-driver was now waiting for him to get in.

"Sure… just take me to…the Ritz," John said as he slid into the car. He had thought of going to Abbys place, but he supposed that she didn't want to se him, so now the taxi pulled up in front of one of Chicago's most expensive hotels: The Ritz.

"Can you wait for just a second, I need to get some cash inside?" John asked the driver.

"Sure, but it's gonna cost you extra," the man answered, not sounding even remotely more friendly than before.

"Whatever," John yelled, as he went into the hotel lobby.

"Can I have a room, please?" he asked the man at the desk.

"Are you alone sir?" the man asked looking at him rather strangely. John looked too, and first then he realized how odd he looked in his oversized t-shirt and worn jeans in the middle of all the gold and the red carpets.

"Yes, I am alone," John answered, suddenly remembering the question.

"How long will you be staying?" the man asked.

"Just three days," John said somewhat sadly. He didn't really see any reason to stay here after the funeral, but seeing that he didn't know when that'd be he thought it better to book the room for a little while.

"You can have room 914," the man said, handing him a key, "That will be 200 $, do you want to pay now or later?"

"I'd prefer to pay at once," John said, running his credit card through the machine. "Could you make it 100 more?" he asked the man.

"Sure, here you go, sir," the clerk handed John the requested money. "Do you have any luggage?"

"No, I haven't" John said, before walking out the doors again and paying the cabdriver.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

A little while later, John was lying in his room just staring out into space, playing with the phone, debating whether or not he should press the call-button. Finally he decided to and lifted the phone to his ear.

"Beep… beep… beep… you've reached Abby Lockhart. I am currently not at home, at sleep or just to lazy or depressed to answer the phone, so leave a message… beep…"

"Hey… Abby… it's me, John. I'm here in Chicago. I'm staying on the Ritz. I just wanted you to know… oh, whatever… just… take care click"

John sighed that was a pathetic message… with that in mind he lay back on his bed lost in thoughts. Thoughts of Susan. They had had so much fun over the years. He couldn't even count the numbers of times when they'd smiled together or all their long and meaningful conversations on that hospital roof.

With tears rolling down his cheeks, John finally went to sleep.

**A/N: Just hit that button… please…. Just write something… **

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	20. One funeral, many emotions

**Part 19:**

**Authors Note: Wow… looking back I can't really believe that I have written nineteen chapters! That's a bit overwhelming for me… Guess I just wanted to thank you and say once again: PLEASE REVIEW… the more reviews I get the more influence you have on the course of the story… so even for your own sake… and I'd love to hear what you think…**

**In this chapter we follow John and Abby through the whole funeral. I have decided to write a lot of short parts for each of them, but I don't hope that it's too confusing…**

**9. 30 a.m. **

**Abbys POV:**

"Beep… beep… beep," Abby unwillingly lifted an arm from it's comfortable place under her warm blankets and swung it towards her alarm.

Ever so slowly, she turned around, just to find that her bed was the most comfortable place in the whole world right now. The fact that she had been sleeping on and of the whole night didn't help, but she had to get up. A quick look at the clock told her that it was already 9.30 a.m. and since she had to be at the cemetery at 11, in time for Susan's funeral… God, Susan's funeral… a single tear rolled down Abbys cheek. She was going to bury her very best friend today!

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**9.30 a.m. **

**Johns POV:**

John sat in a huge hotel room in one of Chicago's finest hotels and stared out into space. Even though it was only half pas nine in the morning, he had already changed into his tux. Actually he'd been ready to go for hours. He had hardly gotten any sleep all night and as the morning light started to shine through his window, he decided that he could just as well get up.

A hard knock on the door broke the silence and ripped John out of his own little world of misery and slowly he rose from the bed to answer his intruder.

"Your breakfast, sir," the waiter sad, as he rolled a silver tray towards John.

"Thanks," John stated shortly. He really didn't really care much for food at the moment, but he knew that he had to eat, if he wanted to make through the day.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**10.30 a.m.**

**Abbys POV:**

Abby stood in front of her mirror, with a blow-dryer in her hand, trying to make herself looking just a slight bit presentable. Even though it was a funeral, she couldn't help thinking… thinking that he'd be there. Deep inside she felt like a complete ego-centric bitch, but in spite of her common sense she couldn't help but to think the same 'sinful' thought over and over again. She would to see John!

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**10.30 a.m.**

**Johns POV:**

John looked at his watch. He would have to be at the cemetery in only half an hour. He allowed himself to have one last glance in the mirror and smiled sadly at his own reflection, as he bend a little closer to fix his tie. Then he slipped on his jacket and went out the door, to meet the cab.

As he sat in the back of the car, smelling the driver's cigarette, badly needing one himself, he thought. He was grateful that Abby had written that letter to him. If she hadn't, he wouldn't have been able to be were he was at that moment, let alone he'd miss one of his all-time best friend's funeral. Right now he just felt happy in the middle of all the sadness. Happy that she'd set aside all personal feelings and relations she had with him and just wrote the letter. Oh, yes. Abigail Lockhart was indeed a special woman.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**11.02 a.m.**

**Abbys POV:**

The prelude had just begun, and Abby sat stiffly in her seat, looking up at the ceiling, blinking hard and trying not to cry before the thing had really begun. She sat in the back of the church, behind an old lady and her husband, probably Cookie and Henry, Susan's parents. They didn't look that sad, but she assumed that Susan hadn't been so close to them.

The priest started talking about everything and nothing. Something that really bugged Abby, when talking of funerals, was priests, who'd never known the deceased person but spoke of them as their dearest friend nevertheless.

A single tear rolled down her cheek, as she looked away from the man, now talking about Susan's mild soul. When she eyed the church one person caught her eye. He was tall and handsome, had short brown hair and was wearing a seemingly very expensive tuxedo. It was – of course – no other that John Truman Carter III himself.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**11.50 a.m. **

**Johns POV:**

Slowly John rose from his seat and moved towards Chuck, who stood in the back of the church with little Cosmo on his arm.

"Hey… how are you holding up?" John asked. He knew Chuck pretty well, and even though their relationship had never been of the better, he thought he ought to give his condolences.

"Well, you know, some days are better than others," Chuck said, trying to hold back his tears. It was very surreal to se the large man standing there, being so woundable.

"So…" John said, looking at his feet. He didn't quiet know what to say, but it wouldn't be polite to leave that soon after starting a conversation.

Instead of talking, he allowed his mind to wander of. He thought of Susan and all the good times they'd had. He remembered like it was yesterday she'd spoken to him at this very cemetery at mrs. Rubadoux' funeral. She'd been hard on him, hard but kind. She had given him the wake-up her really needed at the time.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**11.58 a.m. **

**Abbys POV:**

Abby walked towards the back of the church, looking for Chuck. He'd been a complete mess for the past couple of days, and she just wanted to check that he was ok. Unfortunately, as she neared him, she saw him talking to a just way to well known person.

"Hi… guys," Abby said, trying not to sound too anxious. She really missed Susan, which made it hard for her to talk to Chuck, and she really loved John (not to mention that she was having a baby with him).

"Oh, hallo Abby," John said, not at all sounding like himself. As he turned around to look at her, she could see the tears in the corners of his eyes, even tough it looked like he was trying to hide them.

It hurt her so bad to see him in such a bad shape and all she wanted to do was to kiss away his tears and promise him that they could make all the bad things go away as long as they were together.

"Well, I'd better get back to my hotel," John whispered, as he looked at her sadly.

"OK," she whispered back. Then he turned around and left.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**8.30 p.m. **

**Johns POV:**

He clung to his sheets as he felt the total despair in his whole body. The whole day had just been emotionally draining; the funereal, seeing her. Everything had just been rough and now he wanted nothing more that to hold her in his arms. But he knew he couldn't do that, so instead he hummed himself into a dreamless, nervous sleep.

**A/N: Muhaha… well, this was a bit long. Hope you liked it… Please review.**


	21. I can't do this

**Part 20:**

**Authors Note: Heey guys… Yerp, it's me again. I'm back to haunt you with my dreadful fic…;) Haha… well, here's the next chapter, so enjoy… AND DON'T FORGET THE REVIEWS…**

**And yes: I know that John and Abby should get their act together, but as many people wrote, I don't wanna rush it, so I'll keep going and I promise that this fic will have a HAPPY ENDING… **

The cemetery was empty and cold. Abby pulled her sweater closer around the slight bugle on her stomach and sat down on a bench, near Susan's grave.

"Hey there," Johns voice was soft. She turned her head to see him walking towards her.

"Can I sit down?" he asked her, pointing towards the empty spot next to her on the bench.

Abby nodded shortly. She didn't really know if she thought that it was a good idea, but she just needed to talk to someone. Someone who'd in some way had the same kind of relationship with Susan as she'd had, and John was just that.

For a little while they just sat there, on the bench, next to one another, staring at the grave. Suddenly another cool breeze came across the graveyard and once again Abby pulled her sweater closer.

"Are you freezing?" John asked. His voice was so full of concern.

Abby couldn't deny it. She was freezing and even though she knew that it was a huge, huge mistake, she accepted his coat as offered and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"God John, I miss her so unbelievably much," Abby's voice was so small and sounded teary.

"It's gonna be OK," John answered slowly and calmly, pulling her just a tiny bit closer.

A very embarrassed silence filled the cemetery. The words were – they both realized – almost the same as the ones uttered just after their first kiss. It was so long ago, but still it meant so much to both of them.

"John," Abby's voice was tired, as she lifted herself from her former position on his shoulder.

"Look, this was a mistake from the beginning. Just forget that we even had this conversation," she whispered, as she slowly rose, and started to walk away. She didn't get far, though, because suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Look, Abby," John turned her around, so that she was facing him. "Is this really what you want? To have a baby all alone? Why won't you let me in? Why can't you see that I'm truly and deeply sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you?"

For a moment after this flow of questions, Abby just stood still, staring into John's eyes, looking for answers.1

"Because we're in the same place as we were years ago. You see: All I'm ever gonna do is disappoint you and all you're ever gonna do is hurt me. We just don't belong together," she whispered on the verge of tears. Why couldn't he see it? Why did he keep on pushing her into something that wouldn't be good for any of them? Then she turned and walked away.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

Later that evening, Abby was sitting in her apartment, staring into space. In a funny way, she didn't really know why she'd turned him down, but on the other hand. They were driving in circles and she wanted it to stop. She was afraid that it would just all end up the exact same way as it had done the last time they were together, only this time they'd have a baby to take care of…

**A/N: Yes… I KNOW that it was short, but I kinda needed to make a break in the storyline just here (read the next chapter and you'll see why…) **

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	22. Give it a try

**Authors note: Hey again… hope you like it…**

**Oh, yeah, and thanks to my beta… hope you can see the difference… now: Enjoy the chapter;)**

John stood and stared at the just way too familiar stairway that let to Abby's apartment. As much as he didn't want to, he knew that he had to go in there and talk to her. He needed to make her see that he loved her and wanted to be with both her and the unborn baby.

Slowly he began to climb the steps and in a matter of minutes, he stood outside her door, his hand ready to press the doorbell.

"Come on, John," he thought to himself. "You gotta do this."

Ever so slowly he let his finger caress the little button and listened to the faint sound of ringing from the other side of the door. Then he quieted the bell and waited a short while, until he heard footsteps coming in his direction.

"John?" Abby's voice was full of surprise, as she opened her front door, to see him standing there. Hadn't he understood what she'd been saying to him at the cemetery?

"Look, Abby, would you just, please, hear me out?" John asked her desperately, almost as if he'd been reading her mind. "I really need to talk to you."

Abby stared blankly at him for a few moments, looking as though she was considering it.

"Ok… you can come inside," she then said, not sounding all too confident.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

About then minutes later, John sat on Abby's couch with a cup of tea in his hands. Abby had cleared all coffee out, after she found that she was pregnant. The atmosphere in the room was embarrassed and a bit awkward, not at all like how they used to be like, when they were together, in the past.

"_It's funny how a baby can change everything_." John thought, as he twisted his cup in his sweaty hands.

"John." Abby's voice pulled him efficiently out of his own world. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah, well." now, as he sat here in front of her, it was so much harder to get the words right. "Uh, I wanted to talk to you about what you said at the cemetery. You left so quickly, that I didn't have a chance to say anything to you."

"Well, what do you want to say?" She asked. He wasn't sure, but he thought he could hear uncertainty, some tiredness and maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit hope in her voice.

"Well." John started for the second time that night. Yet again he found it so hard to form all of his thoughts into words.

"It's just I think you're wrong."

"You think I'm wrong?" Abby's voice sounded skeptic.

"Yeah. I mean about the two of us not being able to be together," John tried to explain. "I think we can go on with this. I _want_ to go on with this!"

"With this? What IS this? I mean do we even have anything?" Abby asked him. "Ouch," she added clutching her stomach.

"Hey what's wrong?" John stared nervously at her.

"Nothing. The baby just thinks using my internal organs as soccer-balls is funny," Abby explained with a small smile.

"Hell Abby. We're having a baby and you're saying that you don't feel anything for me." John started to feel the anger rising inside of him now.

"I never said that I haven't got any feelings for you." Abby suddenly let out.

John stared at her, paralyzed for a second, extremely surprised by her words, and judging by the look on her face he wasn't the only one.

"Well… if you DO have feelings for me, then why won't you let me in?" He tried once again.

"John don't you see? It's complicated. I can't just be with you," she sounded on the verge of tears by now.

"_Why_ not? What is it that you're so afraid of? I love you, don't you see?"

For the second time a rather dumbfounded silence filled the room. Ever so slowly Abby started to turn around, and as she did so, John could easily see the tears in her eyes. Slowly she moved towards him, leaning in gently and giving him a sweet short kiss.

As she pulled back, John couldn't help, but to touch his very warm and swollen lips, still just inches away from hers.

"See," she whispered. "You _do_ have a way of sweet talking me."

"So. That means you are willing to give it a go? To give _us_ a go?" He asked her, his doubt still being present in his voice.

"If you are," she smiled, as she slowly kissed him again.

**A/N: Yeah, well… it FINALLY happened. Hope it did you all justice and I'd sure like to know what you think…**

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	23. Names

**Part 22:**

**Authors note: So… Now John and Abby are a couple… this chapter is set some time after they got back together and it's just plain love and just being cosy (if you need such a chapter like I do, you'll understand why;))**

John woke up, just to find the sun caressing the beautiful outlines of his Abby lying sprawled out on the bed, looking more pregnant and cute than he'd ever seen her before. Her chocolate brown hair was spread out behind her like a fan and one hand was gently placed on her stomach.

As John stood there, in the doorway, he couldn't take his eyes of her. She was his everything. Somehow he didn't know what he'd ever done to deserve her, but yet again, he thought to himself, did it even matter? She had chosen him for some strange reason. She had let him in again, after all that he'd ever done to her. So maybe he should just be grateful to have both her and the baby she was carrying too.

Then, suddenly, the figure on the bed stirred, and turned around, eyes open and looking directly into his.

"John…" she whispered her voice still hoarse from sleeping. "Why are you staring at me?"

"You're beautiful," he answered her truthfully.

"John… stop it! I know you don't mean it. I'm _fat_!" Abby told him in an annoyed tone, gesturing towards her belly. She still had that little smile on her lips, though, and the special twinkle in her eyes, which told John that she secretly enjoyed it.

"Well, Sleeping Beauty, I've made you a breakfast that is going to make you even fatter," John smiled as he held his hand out for her to take. "Care to join me, madam?"

"You bet!" she smiled at him. "Got any of that wonderful chocolate-and-mocha ice-cream from the diner?" She asked him hopefully.

"Of cause, my dear, anything for you," John answered her, and with that they went to the kitchen.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

Later that day, when John entered the living room, Abby was sitting on the couch, reading an enormous book.

"Hey, Abs," John greeted, as he sat down on the couch, looking over her shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"I," Abby said, closing the book, so he could see the cover, which read: "What to name the baby – A perfect guide for every parent who's making the big decision". "Am trying to find a name for this little fellow here," she informed him, patting her stomach.

"Well… can I make a suggestion?" John asked her.

"Yep… shoot. I've been sitting here for ages, but nothing really seems to fit. I mean it'll be the most important thing we decide for him or her," Abby admitted, not sounding too confident at all.

"Hmm… How 'bout something like… Noah, maybe?" He proposed, giving her a trying look. "For a boy of cause," he added.

"No John… We're not on the arc, you know. I really don't like it, and besides, I think it's going to be a girl," she stated.

"And how do you know that?" He questioned. "I thought we had agreed not to find out!"

"Well… let's say that it's a mother's intuition. Anyway, I thought something more like Maura."

"No… It's kinda too… yeah, well, I don't know," John admitted. "I like Laura better."

"Nah… it's too much of _'the_ _Little House on the Prairie' _for my liking," Abby stated simply, opening the book again.

"Ok, so I suppose you don't like Mary either?" John laughed.

"You got one right there!" Abby announced. "You know what? We could always just look through the book and pick some random name. Maybe it'll be the right one."

"Ok… I can't see that it'll hurt to try," John agreed with her.

"So… Ladies and gentlemen, I need absolute silence to go through with this great and challenging adventure," Abby opened the book and started running through the pages with her thumb.

"Are you done soon," John asked after several long, silent moments.

"Hush, you are ruining my concentration," Abby bit playfully at him, before continuing.

"Here," she finally said in a dramatic way. Then she looked down curiously.

Slowly Abby's face fell. John leaned in, to look over her shoulder.

"Petra…" Abby said with as much disgust as she could put into those two syllables.

"Oh no! Our baby is NOT going to be named Petra. Only people from Germany and very old ladies are called Petra," John said in disbelief. You are bad at that. Let me have a go!

"Hey! As if you'd be better… we could always name him or her after someone," Abby said thoughtfully.

"Do you really want to do that?" John asked her rather astonished. "I just think naming the kid Susan would be so creepy… And I am for one not a great fan of John Truman Carter IV. I do like Mark, though, but it just seems a bit cheesy doesn't it?"

"Yea… You're right… we probably just have to figure it out all by ourselves," Abby said in a giving-in-kinda way.

"We probably do," John agreed. Slowly he pulled her closer, and for a short while they just sat there, enjoying each other and the silence around them.

**A/N: Ok, I'm tired now (it's late)… and I have to go to some family-thing tomorrow with my annoying cousin being there, and I really don't want to go, so I'd be very happy if I had a lot of reviews to come home to… so please, please hit that button…**

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	24. Just movies and stuff

**Part 23:**

**Authors note: Thank you for all you've said to me in reviews… really encouraging… uhm… and if anyone's got a potential name for the kid, please tell… I'm kinda as lost as Abby and John in the last chapter.**

**And again SORRY for not updating in ages, but I've just been very busy with school (I have just finished my final examinations) and my life hasn't really allowed any time for the computer. **

"Come on, John! It can't take you all day to make those popcorns, can it?" Abigail Lockhart's voice shot loudly through the small apartment. "I've got the movie ready."

"Well, it'll only be another minute," the answer came, soon followed by the slender frame of John Carter. He placed the huge bowl of popcorns on the coffee table, and placed himself on the couch next to Abby.

"Hon, are you sure that you wanna watch 'Titanic'?" John asked in a you-could-always-have-chosen-something-more-boyish-but-if-you-really-wanna-watch-it-then… kinda way.

"Yes, John" she answered in a tone, that didn't invite to discussion, as she grabbed the remote and pressed the _play_-button, knowing completely well that he didn't want to get into a fight with her racing hormones.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

"You know, this movie is really not that good at all," (A/N: Ok, now I know that every single girl in the world will torture me in every possible way, but really it isn't as a amazing as it is painted out to be) Abby said about one and a half hour into the film, as the first pictures of the iceberg came into view.

"No… I mean, don't you think Kate Winslet was much better in "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind"?" John asked, seeming to agree completely.

"Come on, John, you can't compare those movies in a million years," Abby turned her head, to stare at him, with a jerk. Sometimes she couldn't believe him.

"Why not?" He asked her in a demanding way.

"Well… for starters… they're… ok, I don't know… they're just different…" Abby rambled off.

"Yeh… I can hear that you are really into that stuff," John laughed and pulled her closer.

"Oh, just shut up, and watch the film," Abby said, turning her attention back to the screen, placing her head on Carters shoulder.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

"Hey, Abs, I have a question," John said later that night, as he rose from the couch to turn off the DVD. "If you really detest this movie so much, I really don't understand why you can get so emotional about it."

"Well, I didn't expect a _guy_ like you to understand," Abby sobbed into the soft material of her sweater. "Maybe… maybe it's just hormones," she tried to excuse.

"No, I don't think so," John said, pretending to be thoughtful. "I've never seen hormones act that way before."

"Oh, just stop mocking me… I admit it: I'm a sucker for chick flicks," Abby gave in and threw a cushion after him, which he escaped.

"Come on," he said, "why don't we go to bed? I have an early shift tomorrow."

"Yea… you're probably right," Abby said, giving in to the hand as offered. Then they both set of to the bedroom to get a good nights sleep… or so they thought…

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

Later that night, Abby was lying on her side, sleeping soundly, when a sudden pain shot through her back and woke her up.

'_Well, here we go then,'_ she thought to herself, getting out of bed, trying not to wake up the sleeping figure next to her…

**A/N: Bohoo… what happened to Abby… I bet that _no one_ will guess… ok… you probably all know… hey, and I'm sorry for the badness (is that a word!) of this chapter, but I needed to fill the space… so pleeeeeeease review…**

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	25. Baby is 'ere

**Part 24:**

**Authors note: Well… what can I say? Here we go!**

It was early in the morning on the 7th of January. Abigail Lockhart sat alone, on the floor, in the middle her living room, holding her heavily pregnant belly in a tight grip.

"Ouch," the sound escaped her clenched lips, as she felt another flash of sharp pain shooting up her back, and put her head on the back of the couch, for support. The labour had been going on for about an hour now, but she knew that she still had plenty of time to get to the hospital and quiet frankly, she didn't want to wake up Carter just yet. She had a funny feeling that he'd be way too over protective, and she couldn't deal with that for the next many hours, 'till the baby would come.

Instead, Abby reached out for the name-book she and John and been looking through so many times during the past months, hoping to find the perfect name for the little fellow inside her. She started flipping through the book, with no actual hope that this would be the lucky time, when she felt another contraction coming.

This time the pain was definitely worse than it had been before. Now it was her stomach aching with pain, as her uterus started cramping. The book gently slipped out of her hand, as the pain became even more evident. Out of a sudden she felt fluid running down her leg, and as she looked down, she could see the clear liquid spilling all over the floor. There was no doubt – her water just broke.

Now was the time to get to the hospital, Abby decided, as she felt another contraction coming, much too soon for her liking. She tried clumsily to stand up, but she was already too exhausted to move more than a few inches on her own (though the belly and the fact that she sat on the floor probably didn't help either).

"John…" her voice was monotone as she called out his name. After that she waited. No response.

"John!" she yelled this time. Still nothing.

"JOHN, damn it… I think the thing might be coming… NOW!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

That helped! Moments later a very sleepy-looking John stumbled out of the bedroom, trying to wake up and understand the situation.

"Wha- what?" he asked, yawning and scratching the back of his head.

Despite the situation, Abby couldn't help but to laugh. He looked so cute with his hair all over the place, and that look in his eyes.

"Hey… I'm being serious here!" John sounded slightly annoyed.

"Haha… Ouch! Yeah, me too," Abby said, as another contraction came. It wasn't as bad as the two others, but she needed to get to the hospital… and soon.

"Come on, I think we'd better get you into the car," John said, trying to maintain an overall view of the situation. "No… first, I'll just go put on some clothes, give me three minutes, ok?" John said, finding that he was still in nothing but his underpants.

"Ok… but hurry," Abby uttered through her clenched lips, trying to breathe properly.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

"It might have been better if you'd chosen another place to sit, when you first came out here," John announced about twenty minutes later, when he still hadn't been able to move her more than a couple of inches.

"You know, one doesn't think that much when one's body hurts from the navel and down," Abby stated, trying to kick John, but unfortunately, he jumped away and caused her to roll over so she was lying on her side.

"Urh, I hate you!" she yelled at him, jokingly.

"Well, tanks…" John smiled the cutest of smiles and walked back towards her. "I do, however, think that it might be easier to get you up, if I pull from this angle."

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

"Aaargh," Abby yelled, through her clenched teeth and gave John's hand an extremely hard squeeze. "Man, that one really hurt," she moaned afterwards and enjoyed the welcoming cloth, that whipped off the sweat on her forehead.

"Well, Abby, you're fully dilated now," Dr. Janet Coburn said, after taking a quick look at the situation.

"You ok, hon?" John asked from the seat next to her.

"Yea, I'm fine. I just never imagined labour like this, you know," she gave him a tired smile. "It's funny, 'cause I've delivered hundreds of babies over the years, and yet up until today, I've never been fully able to imagine how it feels and what the mothers have been going through… F!" she yelled the last part, as another contraction took control over her body.

"Come on, Abby," Dr. Coburn's voice coached. "I want a biiig push on this one."

So Abby pushed. She pushed as she'd never done it before. Her tiny body lifted from the bed. She felt her forehead go all sweaty and in some surreal world, far, far away, she could hear herself screaming. She felt a sharp pain shoot through her body. Suddenly another voice disturbed her.

"Go on, honey, you are doing so great, this isn't that bad at all, is it?" The unmistakeable sound of John Carter's voice was not, as she would have expected, comforting. In stead he pissed her off.

'_Not that bad? Not that bad! What the hell was he thinking, just saying that…? he had absolutely no idea what she was going through, and he…' _ The thoughts were zooming around in Abby's head, as she felt her body relax again.

"Well done, Abby. I think this little guy is crowning," Janet said from somewhere down between Abby's legs.

"Yeh, you're fine… just relax, sweetie," John's voice, yet again annoying the hell out of her, reached her ears.

"Would you give me a break, Carter? I am actually in pain here!" Abby yelled and felt the next contraction coming just way too quickly for her liking.

"Go on, mom, I think this one will do," Dr. Coburn's words gave Abby the final strength she needed to continue, and then, all of a sudden, she felt the strangest of feelings, as – she assumed – the baby was finally out.

"So, do you wanna cut the cord, dad?" the doctor asked, holding up the most disgusting little girl Abby in her life had seen. She was slimy and purple, and a loud scream appeared from her mouth, but despite all that, Abby couldn't help but to feel the strongest love for this little creature.

John practically ran towards the end of the bed and moments later, he stood – for the very first time – holding his daughter in his hands.

"Do you wanna hold her?" John asked as he took held the baby out for her to take.

"Isn't she wonderful?" Abby asked with a voice full of emotion, just holding the little new human in her arms and looked over at John.

"So, I guess I'm not a moron anymore?" John asked playfully; as he bent down to get a better look at the two women in his life.

**A/N: Well, I've never had a baby and never wrote a birth before, so please go easy on me in that department;)**

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	26. Joshua and Lee

**Part 25:**

**Authors note: Ok, right now I'm sitting in a Norwegian tree hut, staring at the rain pouring down outside the window, praising myself lucky that my dad decided to bring the computer up here (which, given the rain, has as a result that I've had loads of time to write on this fic and watch Moulin Rouge (over and over and over again… too much of a good thing, you know)…). **

**Nah.. you can't possibly be interested in hearing about my rather lousy (and wet!) holiday, so I'll just continue with the fic…**

**Abby's POV:**

Abby sat in the large hospital bed, staring out into a such large amount of flowers and bouquets, that she had long since given up the quest of counting them, much less remember who had sent them. There wasn't much of a difference between them anyway. It was mostly red roses with a little pink card saying "congratulations… it's a girl".

'_Hah… like I didn't know what gender my own child is," _Abby thought with a smile on her lips and looked towards the light pink cradle in the corner of the room. The cradle that contained her daughter.

She rose from her bed and walked across the room, and leaned gently against the side of the cradle, and looked attributate down at the little human being – her daughter – who was at the moment sleeping soundly. Slowly she let a hand slip down and gently caress the baby's head.

Abby was pulled out of her own happy little world, when the door suddenly opened.

"Hallo gorgeous," the unmistakeable sound of John's voice made Abby smile and turn her head. "What you doing?"

"I was just… don't you think she's beautiful?" Abby sighed and caressed the head of her daughter once more.

"Yes… she is…" John came up behind her and started massaging her shoulders.

"John, what's wrong?" Abby asked, sensing the melancholy in his voice, as he'd said that last part.

"Nothing… I was just thinking… about Joshua," he whispered and withdrew his hands.

"Oh, John," Abby whispered, and went over to the bed, to join him where he'd sat down.

"I just… miss him… so much."

"Look, honey. It's ok," Abby said, placing a hand on John's cheek and turning his head towards her, as she'd done so long ago outside the Lava Lounge. Only now she was 100 sober and the look in his eyes was not, as it'd been back then, full of disappointment in her, but rather with a great sorrow that she couldn't understand or even really share with him.

"Don't get me wrong," John's voice was hoarse from holding back tears. "I do love you AND our daughter, but in some way it just feels like I'm betraying Joshua by caring so much for someone else."

"But wouldn't Joshua have wanted you to be happy?" Abby tried to comfort him, at a point where she knew that no comfort was possible.

"I don't know, Abs… just give me some time, please,"

"I will," Abby whispered, not really loud enough to hear, as she gently let go of his hand and watched him walk out the door, leaving her alone yet again.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**John's POV: **

John fled. In no time at all he'd left the hospital grounds and suddenly he found himself sitting on a very special bench, staring at the dark water of Lake Michigan with a coffee in his hands. He hadn't meant to be rude, but everything just seemed to overwhelm him, as the sight of his newborn daughter caught his eyes. It was exactly like he had told Abby: He loved both her and the baby more than anything in this world, which made him uncertain.

A deep sigh escaped his lips. He had to pull himself together and go and see those two girls. He knew that it was where he wanted to be.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**John's POV:**

"Hey beautiful," John whispered. He sat in a chair next to Abby, who had until a few moments ago been asleep.

"Hi," she answered, appreciating the kiss she received from him.

"I'm sorry about before," he whispered honestly. "I just needed to think…"

"And did you?"

"Yeah… and now I just need to be with the women in my life," he smiled, enjoying his new favourite phrase.

"How is… the baby?" John asked. "You do realize that we still haven't figured out a name for her, right?"

"Well, how do you like 'Lee Dana Carter'?"

As soon as John heard the, he knew that it was about right.

"Wow… it's perfect. When did you come up with that?" he asked, a bit stunned.

"When I was in labour I sat on the floor, flipping through the name book, and I ended on Lee… that was when it hit me," Abby explained. "And then Dana just came to me… you really like it?"

"Love it…" John answered.

Just at that moment Lee started crying.

"See… she likes it too," John laughed. Then he went to the cradle to pick up his baby girl…

**A/N: So, guys… how do you like the chapter… and the name? Please review…….**

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	27. Epilouge

**Part 26:**

**Hey guys… man I'm so sorry about the last chapter… It had a Danish word and everything when I posted it… guess I didn't read it thoroughly enough before posting… anyway it's all corrected now and thanks to THECARBYLOVER, who pointed it out to me…**

**Oh, and I almost forgot… This is the epilogue! It's set in 2021, which makes Lee 15 years old.**

**Lee's POV:**

"Lee…"

Lee was in her room with her favourite band of the time, Jonny Was, blearing out of her tiny hi-tec stereo. She was half lying, half sitting in her bed, with her laptop in front of her, trying to draw a still picture from a movie, when her mother called out her name. Too lazy to respond, Lee decided to ignore the fact that she heard, seeing as she supposed that she was in danger of doing some probably very boring housework.

"Lee!" her mothers voice once again tried to overrule the stereo. "I need you to help me with some potatoes down here."

_'Damn,_ _I was right,'_ Lee thought to herself. She really wanted to just keep drawing and ignore her mother's request, but as usually her conscience couldn't be overruled.

"Yea?" Lee yelled. "I'm sorta doing my homework right now. You know the essay, that I spoke of." It was actually only half a lie, seeing as she was _supposed_ to write the essay… and she did plan on doing it, in just a minute... or two…

"Well, can't it wait Hon? You know that we're having Ray and Neela over for dinner tonight. I can't possibly get it all done in time," her mother kept insisting.

"But mom…!"

"I want you down here in five minutes."

Lee sighed, and put away her pencils and turned off her laptop. Then she pulled on a sweater and went down the stairs.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

**Abby's POV**

"It's good to see you," Abby announced, as she saw her fifteen-year-old daughter walking towards her, looking rather annoyed.

"Sure…" she replied and picked up a peeler and got to work on getting the potatoes ready for the casserole.

"Hey my beautiful!" A pair of arms wrapped around her hips from behind and she looked over her shoulder, to look right into the eyes of her husband, John Carter.

"Good to see you too," she said, thinking to herself that she didn't know many couples, who could still, after almost fourteen years of marriage, have such passion in their relationship as she was fortunate to have.

"Hi dad," Lee said, causing John to turn around.

"Hi Lee… how's your day been," he asked her with fatherly interest.

"It's been fine," Lee answered, not caring to give away too much. "I'm done… can I go now?" she then asked, putting down the potato peeler.

"Sure, darling. I'll give you a word when dinner is ready," Abby said, deciding it best to give her daughter a little space.

"So how's _your_ day been?" she asked her husband, as she watched Lee fleeing the kitchen,

"Oh, pretty much the normal stuff. Patients, paperwork… you know the drill," he answered. For a couple of years he'd been working at Mercy hospital. It was far across town, but he'd thought it too weird coming back to County General for good, after being gone for so long. Abby herself, on the other hand, was still working there and was by now a skilled chief resident.

"Sounds something like mine," she answered, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a brief kiss.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

Lee closed her bedroom door. She was more than grateful that she'd been let of the hook so easily. Slowly she sat down on her bed. It was Monday, and she'd gotten home late. The day at school had been somewhat impossible to get trough. She'd been thinking everything else than math and the civil war.

The reason, Lee knew, was simply that her best friend from way back in kindergarten, Christine, had just moved to New York City two weeks ago, and now everything was so very different. There was no one to count on anymore. She had nothing to do. It wasn't like they'd been isolated or anything, but it was just the confidentiality she missed, the day to day talk and gossiping about everything and nothing.

Lee let out a sigh and let herself drop down on her bed, staring into space. She sat there for a moment, before she realized that there _was_ something she could do to relieve herself. Quickly, with newfound energy, she turned on her laptop and started writing:

_Dear Chris…_

_This past week has been really long. I hope you are good in New York, but I just can't help missing you… _

_There's so much going on here that you should know about. Fred and June hooked up at the fall-ball this Friday! I mean, can you imagine! Everyone is just at their backs, and today in class someone had written their names on the blackboard so that it couldn't be seen from the teachers point of view – only the pupils' – it was Mrs. Anderson, and she just couldn't figure out, why we kept laughing…_

**A/N: So… what did you think… was it an ok way to end the story? Are you interested in a sequel, that will mainly focus on Lee's life as a teenager, but – of cause – also at John and Abby as parents and a couple? Please tell your honest opinion, and if there are a lot of you who are positive, I might write more… but for now, this is it…**

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